


And Then There Were Four

by avocadoave



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M, Jolene - Freeform, this fic contains a reference to the greatest Dolly Parton song ever, this fic contains animal nonsense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-10-09 23:29:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10424214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avocadoave/pseuds/avocadoave
Summary: Mulder brings home a couple new additions to the Mulder-Scully household. Hijinks ensue. Fluff.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place post-IWTB, before the dark times.
> 
> Written for leiascully‘s XF Writing Challenge: Sound. One hour time limit, plus a little more. Not beta-ed. This started out fitting the prompt but quickly got away from me. I guess there is sound in it--ringing phones, whispers, barking dogs, hissing cats, singing Mulder.

****He opened the front door and called, “Scully?”

She set down her coffee and steeled herself. She recognized his tone. It was softer, more tentative, the one he used when he’d done something she wouldn’t be happy about. She walked into the living room. Mulder was coming through the doorway laden with large bags from Petco. She walked out onto the porch. Lying at the top of the steps was a chocolate lab and an orange cat. 

She took a cleansing breath and opened her mouth. 

“Don’t be mad,” he said, setting down the 33-pound bag of Science Diet.

“Mulder—“ 

“We’ve talked about getting a pet—“ 

“ _A_ Pet. A. One. Singular.” 

“I know but—“ 

Her eyes were closed. She was pinching the bridge of her nose. “You were supposed to go to the farmers market and get kale, brussels sprouts, tomatoes, green beans and apples. And that spelt bread.” 

“I did go to the farmers market,” he said, reassuringly. “I got the food. It’s in the trunk. I was walking back to the car and the local shelter had a table set up for pet adoptions. It was the end of the day and these two were the only ones left.”

“Why? What’s wrong with them? Why didn’t anyone else want them?”

“Nothing’s wrong with them!” He said defensively. “They just—they’re kind of a package deal. They’ve always been together. Their owner passed away two weeks ago and—I didn’t have the heart to separate them.” 

“Mulder, you’re such a sap.” 

“Scully, this is Max,” he said pointing to the dog. The dog stood up, his tail thumping against the porch rail. “And that,” he gestured to the cat, “is Jelly Bean.” 

“Jelly Bean,” she tested out the name. The cat didn’t even look up. 

“They go everywhere together. He starts to get into trouble and she stops him. They’re, well, they’re... _us_. Jelly Bean rolls her eyes at him, I swear to God! It’s uncanny. She gives him this disappointed look when he does something stupid. Oh...the same look you’re giving me right now, in fact. Are you mad? Don’t be mad.” 

“I’m not mad, exactly, but Mulder, this is a huge commitment. Two pets? I wish you would have at least asked me first.” 

“I tried! I called and texted. Your phone went straight to voicemail and you didn’t respond to my texts. Texts. Plural.” 

“Dammit,” she muttered. “I forgot to plug in my phone when I got home last night. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay. So...what do you think?” 

“Jelly Bean?” She grimaced. “Can we change her name?” 

“Scully, it’s been her name for eight years. It’s all she knows. Have a heart.” 

“Fine.”

* * *

The cat was curled up in Mulder’s lap, purring contentedly as he stroked her. Scully scooted closer on the couch to lean against Mulder. Jelly Bean stuck out a paw and to keep Scully at a distance. 

“Mulder,” Scully hissed. “Your stupid cat is doing it again. She’s trying to keep me from touching you.” 

“Jealous Scully?” 

“That damn cat is trying to take my man.” 

He chuckled and stood up, depositing the cat on the couch next to her. She reached for Jelly Bean and the cat hissed. Max got up and followed Mulder.

_“Jelly Bean, Jelly Bean, Jelly Bean, Jellyyyyy Beeeeean, I'm begging of you please don't take my man...”_   he sang as he strolled out of the kitchen. He handed her a bottle of Shiner Bock. 

“Nice, Mulder. Dolly Parton would be proud.” 

She clinked her bottle against his and took a long pull. She sighed and glanced down at the cat. “Please don’t take him just because you can.” 

Mulder smiled and dropped the cat off the couch and pulled his wife onto his lap. “There’s only room for one red-head in my life.” 

“You’d better be talking about me. That cat is orange.”

* * *

The buzzing against her leg startled her. She fished her phone from the pocket of her lab coat. “Scully,” she answered. 

“Hi, my name is Fox Mulder, we used to sit next to each other at the FBI.” 

She smirked and ducked into an empty room, perching on the edge of a bed. “What was the name? Mulder? Are you that guy who took me on the world’s longest road trip?” 

“You might also remember me from that one day at City Hall? I was the one in the dark suit promising things like having and holding, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, until death do us part. Stuff like that. Ring any bells?”

“Um...” 

“I gave you a ring? I took you to the Maldives for two weeks?” 

“Oh, that was you?!” She cooed and unconsciously slid the chain currently holding her rings from her blouse. The metal is warm from their resting place against her chest. 

“Sure. The jewelry she remembers,” he mutters. 

She laughs. “What’s up, Mulder?” 

“I was just wondering if you were ever coming home? Between your double shifts and my consulting, I feel like I haven’t seen you in a month.” 

“It’s been four days.” 

“I haven’t touched you in a month.” 

“It’s been a week. And barring any emergencies around here, I should be home about 6:30. Should I pick up dinner on my way home?” 

“Sure. The kids and I miss you.” 

“Mulder, no. I have asked you repeatedly not to refer to our dog and cat as our children.” 

“Fur babies?” 

“That’s worse. And you and Max may miss me, but Miss Jelly Bean enjoys being the the lady of the manor. The only lady of the manor.” 

“I know it’s been a rough adjustment period,” he frowned, thinking of Scully’s beautiful skin marred with red scratches. “But what do you expect when you get two alpha females under one roof?” 

“I am not competing with a cat for dominance in my own home, Mulder.” 

“She loves you,” he paused. “In her own way.” 

She scoffs. “She loves _you_. If you ever wake up and I’m missing or dead, that cat should be number one on your suspect list.” 

“You’re so paranoid.” 

“Excuse me? You’re calling me paranoid? Need I remind you that last fall you thought the squirrels were spying on us?” 

“Scully, that gray one was always right outside the back door. I caught him peeking in the kitchen window a few times. And I know he stole my boots off the back porch. I’m sure of it—” 

She sighed. “Anyway—that cat wants me gone.” 

“I don’t believe that.” 

“Say that again.” 

“What? I don’t believe that?” 

“Yeah. Wow. Almost twenty years and that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you say you didn’t believe in something.” 

“Very funny. Just get a pizza and get home, okay?” 

“I’ll see you in a bit.” 

 “Oh, and Scully? Wear something sexy,” he added. 

She hung up on him. 

* * *

“Mulder,” she whispered, fingers tangled in his hair.

“Hmm,” he mumbled against her neck, kissing his way south. 

“Mulder!” she hissed. 

“Mmm?” He moved the silk strap off her shoulder, following its path with his tongue.

She pinched his side. 

“Ow, Scully! What the fuck?” 

He met her eyes. “We’ve got an audience,” she nodded to the side of the bed.

 Max and Jelly Bean sat side-by-side looking up at them. 

“Ignore them,” he said, pressing his lips to hers. 

“Mulder, they’re still watching.” 

He looked over. They had moved a foot closer and their heads were cocked to the left. Eyeing their new owners curiously. “Sculllllyyyyy,” he whined. Scully shook her head. He tried to shoo them away. They sat unmoved. “So they’re curious. So what? Their last owner was an 89-year-old spinster. They’ve probably never seen people having sex before.” 

“Well, I for one, would prefer not to be part of their first foray into voyeurism.”

“You’re not going to let this go, are you?” He grumbled. 

She shook her head. “You’re not getting any until they’re gone.” 

“Fine.” 

He herded them out the door and shut it. He climbed back in bed, hovering over her. “There. Alone at last. Happy?” 

“Thank you,” she reached up and pulled him down to her. 

“Finally.” 

Thirty seconds later they were interrupted by insistent barking and mewing.

“You have got to be kidding me,” Mulder groaned. He opened the door, “You two are killing me. I haven’t touched my wife in more than a week. Be cool, okay? Just give me an hour, I’m begging you.” 

She put her hand over her mouth to stifle her giggle. 

“I heard that, Scully.” He pointed firmly to their beds in the corner. “Go to bed, stay there, and be quiet.” Max walked over, head hung, sufficiently chastised. Jelly Bean gave him a disgusted glare. “Thank you.” 

Within minutes they were back at the side of the bed. 

“Mulder—“ 

“I know. I know.” “Let’s go,” he said to the pair. They followed him downstairs. “Cockblocking your master is really uncool,” he grumbled. 

Scully’s laugh echoed from upstairs.

“So...you two like to watch, huh?” He picked up the remote. “Let’s find something a little more appropriate for your viewing pleasure.” He put on the Animal Planet, Max barked at the screen. He changed it to Nat Geo WILD. The dog yawned and the cat went back to licking her paw. Cartoon Network? No dice. “Look, I don’t know what you guys like. I gave away all my best tapes to the Gunmen once upon a time, so classic 90s erotica isn’t an option.” 

He turned on Netflix. “You guys like to watch? You want something a little risqué, huh? Okay...looks like your choices are _Body Heat_ , _Bull Durham_ or _9 ½ Weeks_. What’s it going to be?” They stared at him blankly. 

“Mulder what’s the hold up down there?” She called from the top of the stairs. “I’m just finding something to keep them occupied. I’ll be right there.” 

“Okay. Don’t be too long.” 

“ _Body Heat_ it is. You guys are going to like this. Kathleen Turner is—well, you’ll see. There’s this scene where he breaks the window and then they—you know, on the carpet. And then the bath tub—hoo boy—“ 

“Mulder?” 

“Enjoy you two,” he smiled, pushing play. 

“Scully, you’d better not be asleep!” He bounded up the stairs two at a time.

* * *

“Mulder?” 

“Hmm?” 

She held up her iPad. “Why is the last Google search on here ‘what kind of porn do dogs and cats like?’”


End file.
